8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
