When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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