You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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