so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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