Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
