WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
