I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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