Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
