listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
