if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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