You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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