i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
