You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
