So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
