Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
