I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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