Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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