Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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