you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
