Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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