I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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