Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
