Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
