Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i think i have two assholes
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
