When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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