Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Found your dick twin last night
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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