I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
