My underwear smells like fireworks.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
