all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Help. Why am I so naked?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
