I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
