I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
