She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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