i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
