I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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