And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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