Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
