You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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