Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
