I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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