on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
