just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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