Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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