I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
