I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Im part way to drunk.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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