I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
