piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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