I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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