That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
