I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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