Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
