you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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